Thursday, November 11, 2004

An Open Letter to Maureen Dowd

Dearest Elite and Most Enlightened Maureen:

Ours is a Nation wherein we are the drooling, Neanderthal, war-mongering Red-Staters. You are the freethinking, lucid, peace-loving Blue-Staters. We are the toothless, barefoot, OshKosh B’Gosh Conservatives. You are the handsome, well-cultured, stylish Liberals. We are the hate-filled, dogmatic, fanatical Christians. You are the tolerant, agnostic, atheist, new age, pantheist, moral relativist…whatever…(man that’s a mouth full! Pick one will ya!?). These are the “truths” you hold to be self-evident – that not all American’s are created equal.

But alas – woe, so very woe are we. There’s a rift in the time/space continuum. Our respective worlds have been turned upside down! Red Staters are troubled and confused! We’re concerned for both ourselves, and for you disenfranchised Blue-Staters. Our anxiety to wit: Your formerly pithy column has of late, betrayed your complete loss of control and forecasts your looming political self-destruction. As Document Daddy Dan Rather might have put it – you’re madder than a rattlesnake in juggling contest. How can we help? What can we do? Maureen, your apoplectic … inhale … breathe… think happy thoughts … happy thoughts! more...

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